This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
