dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
