You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You are the jesus of drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
