Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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