I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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