Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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