You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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