quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
