I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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