cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
