Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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