Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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