I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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