Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
