sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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