He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
