You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
