I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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