i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
