hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
