I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i think my cat just said my name.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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