That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
