have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
