Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
