She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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