U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
