Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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