i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
