I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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