so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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