Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
