Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
