Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
