This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
