Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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