hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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