i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
