Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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