question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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