we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
