we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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