I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
