I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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