i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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