Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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