What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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