Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
