Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sipping hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

Fav 10 1405 1853
share tweet
(818): View more from California

Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.

Fav 100 3356 1091
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

Fav 17 5902 994
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free

Fav 5 1092 3813
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

Fav 35 14139 1498
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

Fav 22 1747 7790
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon

Fav 23 7879 1432
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"

Fav 3 803 667
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(907): View more from Alaska

Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.

Fav 0 19 26
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT