I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
