i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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