Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
